I am writing this blog as it’s something that has really affected my family, especially in the past 3 months. Not many people know this, but for 4 years I worked as part of the reception team at a Dementia Care Home. I saw and learnt quite a lot about Dementia (and Alzheimer’s), but you don’t fully understand it until you are truly going through it with someone in your family.

My Nan was diagnosed with old age Alzheimer’s a few years ago. I spotted it before the diagnosis from working at the care home, and the traits were obvious to me. Over the years she stayed stable and this year she turned 90, and doing really well medically. But the decline in her mental capacity has seriously deteriorated. She was coping at home, with her family going in, mainly my Mum caring for her. Mum was asking for help, but was being ignored as Nan was medically fit.

When we took her to Devon for my brothers wedding, that was when we saw the biggest deterioration. She kept forgetting she was there for a week, kept waking Mum & I up all night, every night. (And this was my first holiday off work in 18 months!)

Mum & I couldn’t do what we wanted to, as Nan refuses to walk far and pushing her in a wheelchair is hard work. The places we wanted to go weren’t accessible for wheelchairs.

A few weeks after the wedding, and shortly after my brother & sister-in-law returned from honeymoon, the downward spiral started. Firstly, I had to rush Mum into A&E at midnight one Sunday night. She stayed in for a week after having emergency surgery. She wasn’t allowed to drive or lift anything heavy for a few months. Cue me being her taxi and my brother & I taking it in turns to check on Nan daily. I went in one week night following an evening work meeting. She was OK and semi chatty. I left and Mum rang her about an hour later – still OK. Cue my brother going in the following evening, finding no signs that she’s up etc, walked in and found her on the floor. Turns out she had broken her hip. So cue a very long stay in hospital. First 2 weeks on a ward, then got moved to what is called a rehabilitation unit. Stayed there for about a month, with no rehabilitation. Despite them knowing exactly what I did for a job, they just got her out of bed into the chair, and in the space of 6 weeks had 2 short physio sessions with an OT! Firstly, an OT shouldn’t be giving physio out and secondly if they gave her constant physio during the first 3 weeks she was in there, the quicker she could have gone home.

Following on from the rehabilitation unit she spent a few weeks in a care home to get her moving more. Again physio was promised but not given. I was doing exercises with her to get her moving again. So in the end she was home a week before ending back in hospital again after another fall.

You may be wondering why I’m writing all of this. Well she’s been moved from hospital to another care home, and it’s soul destroying seeing a close member of your family with this disease called Alzheimer’s attack the brain.

I no longer recognise the Nan I know. You can no longer have a conversation with her as she can’t strike up a conversation. She won’t eat or drink much as she thinks she’s done so already, becoming incontinent because she doesn’t always know she needs the toilet or she is not aware when she has in fact wet herself! She doesn’t know what day of the week it is, cannot remember what I do for a job. She knows I work and that I work unsociable hours, but that’s it. I was sat with her last night, just thinking how sad it is that this once chatty person who was very sociable, now lives in her own world, and needs her creature comforts around her. She’s no longer interested in doing her jigsaws and struggles doing her word searches. She still likes to be around people, but doesn’t ‘fit’ the standards of care due to lack of dementia care places in the UK. It’s so sad that she should be in a home, but yet doesn’t quite fit the criteria and yet she refuses the carers help when she is at home. This is the first time since having an op about 50 years ago, that she really needs social care and support, but when we need it, it’s like we really have to fight for it, wadding massive stress on the family and Nan. Really is not what you want or need! It is so sad that the generation that has paid into the NHS all of their lives don’t get the help they need when they really need it.

It’s the same for myself. I only get my car paid for. I have to live at home with my Mum, despite being disabled. I get no help from the Government despite being classed as a vulnerable adult, so I really should be entitled to more than those who are less deserving.

Alzheimer’s and Dementia are quite prevalent in this generation – the generation that really didn’t exercise. It is known that the more we exercise it helps with Alzheimer’s and Dementia, so only time will tell if it does. I know my Mum is doing everything she can to avoid getting like Nan (her Mum). As she doesn’t want my brother and I to have to go through this again with her.